I’m having a baby!!!

I know this is going to sound odd, considering I have been posting about this unique pregnancy for several weeks now, and considering I am 32 weeks. This shouldn’t be news, and maybe it isn’t to you. But, oddly enough, it is news to me….

Y’all, I’m having a baby!!!

I have been so worried and so scared for so long that I forgot that I was actually having a precious baby boy. Maybe it was looking over Hannah’s baby pictures on her 2nd birthday last week, or maybe it is finally being in Houston, but it is finally starting to dawn on me. Another precious baby. I am SO EXCITED!

Y’all…I am going to have another one of these!!!

(Pictured above: David Allan when he was a newborn, November 2014)

(Pictured above: Hannah Rose when she was a newborn, August 2016)

I have spent so much time thinking about what could go wrong, things that are completely and totally out of my hands, and I’m going to stop. Even if it is just for this moment, I am going to allow myself to be excited about precious Daniel and about his birth.

Here are some updates:

Things have almost comically snowballed out of control. I mean, it would be comical if it wasn’t really scary and serious.

1. Wednesday of last week, I found out I am starting to dilate. I have already written about this in another post. I was planning on coming to Houston tomorrow (Tuesday), but then scary stuff happened:

2. I woke up with a fever on Saturday morning. I rarely get sick, and the last time I had a fever was when I had mastitis after Hannah was born. I was really scared, thinking maybe I had an infection because my membranes were ruptured or something. To make a long story short, my membranes aren’t ruptured, and I just have a little virus. I am much better and no longer running a fever. (Interesting side note: one of the hospital staff at S&W is a former student. I had her 8 years ago when she was a freshman in high school. She is 22 now, the same age I was when I had her as a student. Man, do I feel old! YIKES.)

3. This little scare was especially stressful because: a) Brian was away in Michigan for his brother’s wedding (congrats Matthew and Catalina! I know it was beautiful, and I wish I could have been there!); b) and Elmer is also in the hospital (call Pam if you want any info); c) and the R.V. hadn’t been moved yet. I honestly thought I was about to have to be life-flighted to Houston to possibly deliver a sick little preemie heart baby at the worst possible moment. Thank GOD that wasn’t necessary. I did, however, realize that I needed to get to Houston ASAP. So, here I am.

I am not going to lie…Sunday was ROUGH. Leaving David and Hannah, driving to Houston, getting to John and Christi’s house without my babies…I was a basket case. I think it was the realization that:

1. The next time I come home will be at the end of September, best case scenario

2. I have to spend so much time alone, away from David, Hannah, Brian, my family and friends, my church community, my entire world

3. The next time I come home, my world will be dramatically altered. Who knows what awaits me here? I will not be the same person when I come back home. I will have delivered under very stressful circumstances, watched my baby recover from open heart surgery, wait while his life hangs in the balance….Everything, including me, will be completely different.

I am so thankful for my brother and sister-in-law, for Jeremy, for my dad and Adam who moved the R.V. in hurricane-force winds (not really, but it was really windy!) At first I wanted to hide in a cave and cry. I was even contemplating writing really bad, emo poetry and listening to sad music.

But moment by moment, things got better. I got to hang out with my sweet nieces and nephew, my brothers and sister-in law and Becca. I got to hear about Jeremy’s new job, which, by the way, is totally fascinating.

My friend Jennifer even gave me the best-possible silver lining to cling to. Jennifer had to deal with a nightmare of her own during her second pregnancy, and she knows what it means to deal with complications and bed rest. She reminded me:

I will probably never be this rested again! Better enjoy it now.

I literally get to lie around and sleep as much as I want! And Houston has amazing FOOD, and it is EVERYWHERE. When Daniel is born, I won’t be this rested and this relaxed for years, possibly decades. For the first time since 2014 when David was born, I can go eat any time I want, I can go see a movie if I want to any time I want. BEST YET– I can READ as much as I want, for as long as I want. I am metaphorically salivating over all the hours I get to spend in unapologetic reading time.

Sitting around and crying, moping, and ignoring all these amazing silver linings won’t bring me any closer to David, Hannah, and Brian.

Wednesday I have another round of appointments. Pray:

1. Daniel’s Atrial Septum remains wide open. If it starts to close, then it can cause all kinds of complications for his pulmonary veins, and more.

2. Daniel’s growth remains good, and his other organs remain perfect.

3. My blood pressure is good, and I do not go into premature labor before 37 weeks.

4. For my peace of mind, for my aching heart as I miss my family desperately, for acceptance of God’s plan

More updates coming soon!